KiLLa.Co.Za

The following post is written by Minhaj Jeenah and is hosed on KiLLa.co.za. Check out more from Minhaj here —> http://iamminhaj.blogspot.com/

Everyone’s campaigning for Mark Zuckerberg – the mac of Facebook andprobably the biggest wanker on this planet, you know, the type of guy
that watches porn on Youtube and has 24hour LAN sessions of Warcraft –to add a “Dislike” option to status updaters. I think what would be
more appropriate is a “I don’t give a shit” option. I mean really,sometimes the general public just don’t care. I was going through the
Status Updates on my homepage and that option could’ve been used alot, here are the Top 10 Status Updaters in no specific order.

1. The just incase you were wondering status updater

Moe is at work.
You are wasting you airtime! Stop it! Get a diary!

2. The YNWA status updater

Rafael is I fucking hate Lucas! We lost 30 nil but atleast we’l win Europa. YNWA!

You’ll Never Walk Alone. I love that shit . The epitome of optimism is a Liverpool supporter. I support Liverpool (I only had two options
due to my ethnic heritage, Liverpool or Man United, I chose the team with more trophys) but they play kak. And I hate to break it to you
but they’re winning fokall. No, not even Europa. Lucas is probably the only good player on the team, leave him alone. I think it’s cute how
people refer to the European football team they support as “We”. Support local football bitches .

3. The Man United supporter status updater

Alex is glory glory manunited! Red devils 4 life! Ya,al u liverpoes supporterz r quiet n0w!!!!

UEFA is not fucking Jerry Springer. Human nature will tell you that if the team you support loses you’d rather not boast. So yes, the
Liverpool supporters will be quiet. United aren’t winning anything either, by the way. It’s soccer, not Palestine and Israel.

4. The pleeeeease ask meeee status updater

Goolbidin cant believe what just hapend…

Unless you were walking to work and Jeannie D offered you a lift on her pet giraffe that can do back flips I don’t really wanna know.

5. The passive aggressive status updater

Aggreshan was jus walking n sum bitch gave me a kak look. Jus coz u so fkn ugly, u jealous of me. stupid slut, ur motha shudv had an
abortion.

Relax bra. The world is not after you. Ease up on the gangster rap music. These people really need to sit down and talk to someone. The
person you referring to will never see this status.

6. The I <3 Edward Cullen status updater

Fatemah Omg omg 0mG!jus saw da new twilight muvi. Edward is so0o0o0oo hot! i LOVE u edward.U understand ME! (**,)

For those of you who don’t know… Edward is this 100 year old mythical creature, whose fare complexion makes him looks like a cancer
patient, he glows in sunlight and his chick has him by the balls.

7. The song lyrics status updater

William got a feelng dat 2nyts g0na be a gudnyt, dat 2nyt’s g0na be a gud gud nyt! !!

These are the people that watch Trace. The same poeple whose favourite music is “anythng dat soundz nice lol!” You not a Japanese karaoke
singer.

8. The copy and paste status updater

Baboo is When lyf throws you lemons, make tequila.

These are the people that “lol” after their own sentences. If you gonna copy and paste and one of your friends comments on how hilarious
you are, don’t claim the phrase to be yours. That’s not cool. And it’s illegal.
9. The emo status updater:

Bella is i cnt blvE he left me:(i love him so00 much. Dun0 wat to do nemor.I hate my lyf:(:(:(

This suicidal shit has got to stop. I mean really, you fall in love, you break up, life goes on. Sort your shit out. Watch oprah, smoke
weed. The world doesn’t care. You have so much to appreciate. If you a somali refugee working at the plaza for minimum wage, your wife beats
you, your whole family was eaten by a herd of hippos in the kruger park while crossing the border and you live in a tree then you have a
reason to hate your life. Otherwise man up!

10. The whipped status updater

Edward is I love u so000ooo much babe, i cnt liv withowt u! thnks 4 tnyt it was amazin cnt wait 2c u in th m0rnin mmwah!

This one is the worse, the hight of emotional overshare. I’d rather sit in a cow’s stomach and watch it digest grass then read this shit.
NOONE cares, except the “you” in the status. It’s not cute. Grow a pair .

Minhaj Jeena on behalf of KiLLa.co.za

KiLLa  Jan 20 Features, Outsourced